If you take a trip down the sometimes-treacherous road of online porn, you wouldn't be mistaken in thinking that guy-on-guy sex only and always involves a bottom, a top, a whole bunch of anal and not a lot else. But what this doesn’t capture is the richness of what sex can be nor give it the recognition it deserves. So, aside from anal penetration, let’s explore the rich world of sex between men.
But let's back it up a little and start from the beginning.
What is anal sex?
Anal sex is when anything enters the rectum for sexual pleasure. This can include a penis, fingers, toys, tongue, or anything else, and penetration is when something enters your body-this can consist of all the above.
For some folks, penetration and anal sex isn't something they want, are able to have and/or could be a little nervous to try. Below, we have compiled a whole list of different ways people can experience sexual pleasure.
Oral (fellatio, blowjob, head)
Oral is when one person uses their mouth to stimulate the genitals of another. This can include licking/sucking the penis/dick, toy, balls, or anus (rimming).
Touching/erogenous zones
Our hands are some of our biggest pleasure givers. And, while there’s plenty of spots between our legs that make us moan, there are other pleasure points (called erogenous zones) all over the body that are not to be ignored. While arousal changes from person to person and sensitive spots may depend on who’s body you’re touching, there tends to be some crowd favourites. Using your hands/mouth to stimulate your partner's erogenous zones (or anywhere else) can be H.O.T.
But what are the erogenous zones?
The penis (dick, cock)
- The most sensitive spot on the penis is the head, with a large number of nerve endings at the tip. Constant and direct stimulation of this area could be too intense for some people, so incorporating the whole penis (foreskin, shaft, and head) when stimulating it can be even more pleasurable.
Nipples
- Nipples and penises are made from the same tissue types and can be VERY sensitive, so touching your partner's nipples can be a huge turn-on.
Balls (scrotum, sack)
- Fun fact, the scrotum can be as sensitive as the penis. Don’t forget about it.
Prostate Gland (taint)
- The prostate gland is located inside the anus (about an inch or so) and just through the walls of the anal passage. To stimulate the prostate, start by inserting a well lubricated finger (your own or a partner’s) into your anus gently. The prostate will feel softer and fleshier than the surrounding area. Stimulating this area can feel fantastic.
Perineum
- The perineum is the thin layer of skin between your genitals and your anus. Massaging this area when the penis is erect can be VERY pleasurable for your partner - don't leave it out!
These are just a few of the erogenous zones - a fun way to explore more with your partner is to gently touch, lick or suck parts of their body to see what turns them on more than others. Try the collarbone, neck, lips, ears, thighs, back or feet.
Kink/BDSM
BDSM and kink centres around consent, intimacy, and trust. Although, if you were watching any mainstream media depiction, you probably won’t see much of this at all.
BDSM or kink can't really be explained in one sentence. BDSM stands for bondage, domination, submission, masochism/sadomasochism, but what are these terms?
Bondage - usually involves some restriction on your partner. Restriction can come in many forms, from handcuffing them to a bed frame all the way through to breath restriction and Shibari.
Domination - domination of your partner can take many forms, from physical domination, e.g. slapping their butt, to more psychological domination in the form of role plays/scenes etc.
Submission - a submissive person or 'sub' is someone who freely gives their control to their partner. The person who relinquishes their control does this for many reasons. Still, ultimately, this is a vulnerable position to be in and can lead to increased feelings of intimacy and closeness.
Masochism/Sadomasochism - usually someone who derives pleasure from receiving or giving physical, physiological pain, or both.
For more information on BDSM and Kink, follow this link.
Fetish play
Someone who has a fetish can be described as someone who experiences sexual excitement in response to things that aren't usually characterised as innately sexual. Some common examples of fetishes include:
- Having sex with multiple people (threesomes, orgies, gang bangs, etc.)
- Power and control dynamics and rough sex, including BDSM (above)
- Specific body parts, such as feet, hands, hair, etc.
- Specific objects, such as leather, shoes, gloves, rubber, etc.
Sex can be an intimate and connected experience. We are literally inviting people into our bodies, to touch us, to be vulnerable and share our space. It is important to always honor your boundaries and listen to your body. You are in control of your sexuality - own it!